Why This Psychologist is a Bonafide Swiftie
Standing outside the New Orleans Superdome, hours before Taylor Swift was due to take the stage, one woman stood alone in the crowd. Dressed in an elegant white ballgown, she raised up a cardboard sign that read, in bold black letters, “The smallest man who ever lived”—a reference to the eponymous Tortured Poets track. One by one, fellow concert-goers clad in sequined body suits and bejeweled dresses approached her. She handed each fan a fabric marker, inviting them to write the names of their smallest men—men who had broken their hearts, made them feel lesser-than, shocked them with betrayal. I watched for several moments, transfixed by how these women came together to share their emotional pain.
As a psychologist, I spend a lot of time thinking about how people manage emotional pain. Defense mechanisms—strategies we use to protect ourselves from emotional distress—organize how I think about coping. Some defense mechanisms may be considered “less mature” and can lead to problems in our relationships, employment, and even our feelings about ourselves. Consider how your partner might respond to a cold “It’s fine” mid-argument when your tone conveys otherwise. Passive aggression like this is not the most effective way to respond to feeling angry at your partner, and it can leave them feeling confused and helpless rather than apologetic.
Other defenses are considered more “mature” and can help us thrive when we encounter painful situations. Affiliation refers to the practice of turning to others for closeness or emotional support amid pain. Witnessing my fellow fans come together to connect as they inscribed the names of those who had hurt them on a ballgown brought to life the power of our affiliation as Swifties.
The first time I listened to Taylor’s Reputation album, I knew I had a great way to explain self-assertion to my Swiftie patients. Self-assertion is another mature defense that is all about standing up for our feelings, beliefs, and desires, even when faced with opposition or pushback, expressing ourselves directly and confidently, even if it might feel difficult or intimidating.
After being vilified in the media for her perceived feuds and deceptiveness, Taylor emerged on this album with a new persona that was unapologetic, direct, and empowered. The album is full of tracks where she stands up for herself and defies the narratives imposed upon her. In “Look What You Made Me Do,” Taylor sings about reclaiming her power and rejecting those who tried to tear her down, signaling both a sense of betrayal and an unflinching commitment to protecting herself. Not only do her lyrics promote self-assertion but her act of re-recording and re-releasing Taylor’s Version of her six original albums so that she can retain ownership of her music puts the lyrics into practice.
In a tense conflict, it’s easy to shrink back when others challenge us, but Taylor’s music and example reminds us that standing firm in our identity and asserting our boundaries can be a crucial part of emotional well-being.
Sublimation—the process of channeling emotional pain into socially acceptable behaviors or creative outlets—is another mature defense. When we experience uncomfortable emotions like rage, despair, or envy, sublimation allows us to transform those negative feelings into something positive, whether it’s through competitive sports, volunteerism, or songwriting.
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Over the years, Taylor has taken the pain of heartbreak, betrayal, and public scrutiny and transformed it into some of the most successful and meaningful music of our time. In “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart,” she sings, “I cry a lot, but I’m so productive, it’s an art.” We love to watch her channel emotional turmoil into her creative process. Rather than letting pain paralyze her, Taylor uses it as fuel to create—and, in doing so, she produces work that resonates deeply with others.
This ability to sublimate emotional distress into art is a gift to her listeners. Through her vulnerability, Taylor allows us to witness her emotional journey and gives us permission to process our own pain in similar ways. Fans often find solace and catharsis in her music, not just because of the catchy melodies, but because they see their own emotional experiences reflected back at them in her lyrics.
Beyond Taylor’s music, the Swiftie community exemplifies these emotionally mature coping strategies in action. Fans find strength in connection, assert their identities as a supportive and inclusive group, and use their collective energy to create positive spaces for emotional expression.